photo taken by taura horn photography
Well, three months has gone by since I had my sweet baby Bastian and I am so filled with love. Becoming a mom has been harder and more rewarding then I could have imagined. All the books, classes, and advice could never have prepared me for what motherhood is truly like.
I always knew I wanted to have kids. From an early age I was playing with baby dolls and imagining having my own someday. Feeling like I always had a maternal instinct, I was surprised by how clueless I felt with Bastian. I assumed it would be like second nature and everything would be so simple. When I couldn't stop Bastian from crying, when I felt sad, when I was so tired and worn out, I felt like I was failing as a mother. I was hard on myself…ok, very hard on myself. The hormonal changes in your body after you have a baby along with the lack of sleep, really makes you feel like a mental nut case.
Now, I can look back (ok, it's not really that long ago…but in baby weeks it sure feels like it) and have a totally different perspective of what maternal instinct really is. I was a natural mother the whole time. Being a mother isn't just rainbows and butterflies. It's also crying, questioning and sadness. If I didn't have those emotions, I feel it would show lack of concern. I think us women are too hard on ourselves. Let's face it, we don't all have babies that want to sleep and snuggle all day and night…so it's ok to not love every single moment. It doesn't make you a bad mom.
photos taken by taura horn photography
I have slowly begun to forget all the newborn hardships and long nights; they seem so distant and insignificant now. I feel more confident as a mother and I am able to laugh at my mistakes. I am learning to not be so hard on myself and roll with the punches. I am back to work and feeling like a normal human with a normal schedule again. Bastian is the best, most rewarding thing that has happened in my life. I would go to hell and back for that stinker. He is discovering something new everyday. Even his smallest discoveries seems like the biggest feat to Brian and me.
Being a mother is continually learning, being unsure and questioning yourself. Being a mother is something that I have always had within myself; I think every women has it within themselves, we just need to give ourselves credit for it.