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How can I help my son with his first heart-break?

He really liked a girl, but she didn’t feel the same. She was pretty blunt and now he is really down. How do I help him see that there will be other loves?

Lori | Expert


Heartbreak at any age can be difficult to get through.  The first time does feel like the worst thing that has or will ever happen. 

No words you can say will ease the pain your son is feeling, but it is important to talk with him about his feelings. 

Being careful to not put the girl down, you could start by discussing the right way and wrong way to tell someone something hurtful. 

Tell your son that you know that the girl will always hold a special place in his heart, and he will always remember her.  Tell him that you know the hurt he is feeling right now feels like a real, physical pain but that it will ease in time.   

Then talk to him about mutual love, explain that as wonderful as his feelings for this girl were, the feelings will be so much more wonderful when those feelings are returned.  Remind him that he is special, and has much to offer to someone and that he deserves to find someone that will treat him the way he treats her. 

It might also be a good time to tell him that heartache may happen many times before he finally meets the girl of his dreams.  Encourage him to get together with friends rather than spending time alone and be patient with him.

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Jocelyn | Expert


This is such a heart-wrenching time for parents. My son went through something very similar.

The only advice I can give is to be there for your son, get him doing things to keep his mind off of the pain and maybe even talk to him about your past heart breaks.

That can help him to see that there is hope.  Let him know that if this girl was meant for him, she would have known it as well and that there are a lot of nice girls out there - one meant just for him.

Most importantly, just be there to listen.

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Heather | Expert


This is pretty hard for anyone of any age to go through, but much harder for a teen.  They are unable to see what's lurking on the horizon for tomorrow. 

It's best that you be honest about your own personal relationships from your past without divulging too much information.  I've had to help students go through this sometimes.  I explained that I had to kiss a lot of frogs before I found my prince. 

One word of advice my dad gave me as a late teen:  He said if I couldn't see that person in my future being my husband and the father to my kids, then he was the wrong one for me. 

I took this advice to heart and let me tell you, it works.  I was able to weed out so many that were wrong for me that led me on a path to my husband.  This also helped when my heart was broken.  After I bawled my eyes out, I reflected on the whole relationship and realized all the things that were wrong in that relationship. 

The best a parent can do is be there for their child and make sure they are feeling the emotions and letting them out.  Ask how many other girls go to the school and if he is attracted to any of those.  If he can see the possibility with others, then that gives him hope for future relationships.

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